Do you ever feel stuck or paralysed for fear you might fail?
If you’re anything like me at some stage in your life you considered yourself to be a “failure” or thought you have “failed” at something. Maybe, as you’re reading this sentence right now, you consider yourself a “failure”. And that sucks. I know exactly how you feel. But I also want to add: Stop that $hit right now! Slap some sense into you or better yet… let me slap some sense into you.
What is failure exactly?
I want you to stop and ask yourself: What is failure? Are you a failure because you weren’t able to land that dream job, or you weren’t able to stay in your perfect marriage/relationship or have that house, car, perfect kiddos and so on. Or maybe you failed to make tons of cash in your business? Failed to become that person you thought you’ll become by a certain age?
Here’s the deal; if you’re going to measure your worth based on these so called “failures”, you’ll always fall short. And you know why? It is not important how many times you’ve failed but how many times you got up, time and time again. How fierce was your fight to achieve your goals despite all the odds. How resilient you are and how flexible you stay along the journey. What are you learning from it? How are these so called failures helping you become a better human and grow as a person?
Who determines whether or not you’ve failed?
Who says you’ve failed at a particular thing? Stupid society rules that want to confine you in a box? Think again…You and I both know that life is best lived on your own terms, don’t fall into the trap of thinking otherwise.
Don’t even get me started on comparing yourself to other people. Put that to bed ASAP, as nothing good will come out of it! Take it from this recovering perfectionist. It’s so exhausting and it only leaves you feeling overwhelmed, not to mention paralysed. And if you need more convincing, watch this!
It’s time we redefine this concept of failure once and for all. It’s not failing, it’s learning! It’s time you reframe this concept. And if you’re not willing to do so, then you have a different problem (Resistance anyone?)
As Gay Hendricks puts it:
Rule Number One is this: If you’re open to learning, you get your life-lessons delivered as gently as the tickle of a feather. But if you’re defensive, if you stubbornly persist in being right instead of learning the lesson at hand, if you stop paying attention to the tickles, the nudges, the clues—boom! Sledgehammer.
Are you willing to
It took me a few years to understand that there’s no such thing as failure, that we always learn, but we need to be open to those learnings. We need to be open to accept the shaming that comes with it and we also need to own our decisions. Most importantly, you have to move on and keep trying until you succeed, YOUR WAY. I didn’t get into the exact uni I wanted to get in, this was at the bottom of my list. And yes, I considered myself a failure at the time (I like to think I didn’t know better back then). In time, I’ve realised it has given me a few of the most amazing friends I could have asked for. They have been my friends ever since and have helped me grow and learn so much.
You probably heard this many times, but nonetheless I want to remind you: Certain failures/screw ups are blessings in disguise or as Danielle Laporte puts it: “Disappointments can be openings”.
I want to challenge you. Write up a list of things you consider to have failed at throughout your lifetime. In each and every one what’s the silver lining? What’s the one lesson you’ve learned that you couldn’t have otherwise learned? (make sure to pop it in the comment box 😊)
And lastly, I want to remind you something. Most of the people you admire today (it can be a business mentor, actor, musician, friend, family member etc) got where they are now because of these failures, because of mistakes they made. Yet, these fears of failing didn’t stop them from chasing their dreams. So what’s stopping you?
Redefine & reframe this failure concept, the world is your oyster and you already have all the tools you need to make your dreams a reality. You just have to dare to overcome the fear of failure!
Focus on the good,